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Off-Balance Podcast
Welcome to Off-Balance, the podcast for entrepreneurs who are building businesses, raising families, and growing in faith.
If you're navigating the beautiful chaos of entrepreneurship and parenthood while staying rooted in your faith, you're in the right place.
Each week, we dive into honest conversations, encouragement, and practical strategies that help you build resilience in the midst of daily life. Whether it’s making time for prayer between client calls, finding peace in family rhythms, or stepping into your purpose as a business owner, you’ll find inspiration and tools that fit your world.
Tune in for stories from people who understand the tension and the grace of doing life in a busy season. Subscribe now, and let’s walk this journey together, one imperfect, resilient, and faith-driven step at a time.
Off-Balance Podcast
Rediscovering Identity: Healing, Wholeness, and the Power of Your Story with Erica Tatum
When the nest empties and the daily rhythms of motherhood shift, who are you beneath the roles you've played for years? Erica Tatum joins us for a soul-stirring conversation about rediscovering your authentic self after your children leave home.
With remarkable vulnerability, Erica shares her journey through the emotional landscape of empty nesting, a transition many women navigate silently. "I had to decide if this was going to be my ending season or the beginning of my new season," she reflects, capturing that pivotal moment when purpose seems suddenly unclear. Through her story, we explore how easily women lose themselves in caring for others, forgetting who they are outside their titles.
The heart of our discussion centers on reclaiming identity through spiritual reconnection. Erica beautifully articulates how turning to God's word helped her find confidence beyond others' expectations: "Once I found that and put that in my heart and my soul, everything else didn't matter if it was outside the will of God." This foundation becomes the cornerstone for creating safe spaces both for yourself and others, where authentic healing and growth flourish.
We tackle practical challenges, such as setting non-negotiable boundaries around sacred time, rediscovering activities that once brought joy, and evaluating which relationships truly nurture your growth and development. Erica's wisdom on giving yourself grace while celebrating each step forward offers liberation to anyone feeling guilty about prioritizing their own needs.
Whether you're approaching empty nesting, currently navigating it, or simply feeling lost in your roles, Erica's parting reminder resonates powerfully: "You were made on purpose for a purpose." Her book "New Beginnings" and empty-nest journal guide women through this transformative journey of rediscovery.
Brooks Demming Coaching
Dr. Brooks empowers women to overcome adversity by developing resilience. She understands that life
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Brooks Demming Coaching
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Welcome to the Off Balance podcast, where faith, family and business collide, with your host, dr Brooks Deming, christian life coach, intercessor and entrepreneur.
Dr. Brooks :Welcome to Off Balance, the podcast where faith, family and business and we get real about navigating it all with grace and grit. I'm your host, dr Brooks. Today on Off Balance, we're joined by a voice that speaks straight to the heart. I have a special guest. Her name is Erica Tatum and she is a faith-filled writer, speaker and encourager who likes work. It's all about helping women rediscover their identity in Christ. Through honest storytelling and devotionals rich with truth, erica creates a safe space where healing begins and clarity unfolds and spiritual growth is nurtured. Her journey has been marked by confronting fear, silence and shame, and through it all, she's found freedom and transformation in Christ. Erica doesn't just teach from a distance. She walks alongside the women that she leads, reminding each listener that they are seen, chosen and that their story still matters. Off Balance, please welcome to the show, erica Tatum Hi good evening.
Erica Tatum :Good evening Erica Tatum. Hi, good evening, good evening everyone. Dr Brooks, thank you so much for having me on your platform. It is an honor to come up here and speak on Off Balance Podcast. So I am Erica Tatum and I am super super excited. Nervous at the same time too, but that's okay. But I'm excited to come on the platform and just talk about how I love to empower women after I have been through the journey of rediscovering myself outside of my roles and my titles. So I am an encourager, I am a faith filled woman of God and I put God in everything first that I do. So it's an honor. Thank you so much for having me.
Dr. Brooks :No, thank you so much for joining, so you've already told us your name. Can you tell us a little bit about what do you do?
Erica Tatum :What do I do? Wow? Number one I am an author. I am a published author now, and to say that it just brings me excitement that I was obedient to hear what God told me to do and say to do. I am a mother of two beautiful kids, I am a wife, I am an encourager and I'm also a leader. So that is who I am. I am, I'm a full, I'm a ball of energy and just love to encourage and motivate others around me.
Dr. Brooks :That is so awesome. So you mentioned that you are a mother. If you don't mind telling us, do you have like school age children? Are they adults? How old are your children?
Erica Tatum :They are adults, they are 18 and 21. So I am an empty nester. I've been an empty nester now going on two years, so yes, those are my grown adult children.
Dr. Brooks :Listen, I am also an empty nester and for me and my husband it was just a matter of dating again and putting the marriage back to the forefront. I wouldn't say it was on the back burner, but I would say that we were not nurturing like we should, just raising children. So can you talk about what your experience as an empty nester has been like?
Erica Tatum :Well, as an empty nester, it has been empty nesting. So, as an empty nester, I can truly say that it is a point in our life where we have to really face our emotions. Right, because we are involved in our kids' life, our kids' school, our husbands. Like we forget, as mothers and wives, about ourselves. So, experiencing that quiet moment after the kids were gone, after they were at their destination and came back home, I have no one scheduled to abide by anymore. It's my actual schedule. What do I do with myself?
Erica Tatum :So that was actually the moment where I had to face the roller coaster of emotions. You'll have some happy days. You'll have some days you'll cry, but it's tears of joy. Okay, this is the moment where you really see your parenting, birth Like. You'll see the foundation that you laid actually being stepped on, actually being walked on. So it was scary at first, but I had to really feel the feel for a moment, but not get stuck in it. That's the thing. Don't get stuck in the field of not having to move on someone else's terms, but to move on what's best for you and what's best for me. And that's what that experience was.
Dr. Brooks :Yeah, not getting stuck is so important. I can remember having a pep talk with my husband after we dropped our daughter off. I told him we just have to trust our parenting At this point. We just have to trust that all the things that we taught her, all the things that we have guided her, is going to now manifest, and so we just have to trust that we did a great job. So I'm glad you cheered on that. Can you share a defining moment or an experience from your journey that led you to where you are today, particularly in the context of overcoming adversity?
Erica Tatum :Weak, overcoming adversity, listen. So, as I said during that season, I think the light bulb went off for me when I stepped into internecine season, because prior to that, I really didn't know who my name was, and I'm saying that to say I didn't know who Erica was outside of mom, wife, babe, mom, wife that's fine, those are my titles and my roles. But once I stepped into empty nesting role, the moment of you coming back home from taking your kids there, that's like reality all over again. So it's like I had to make the decision if this is going to be my ending season or was it going to be a beginning of my new season.
Erica Tatum :And that's when I had to tell myself to get up because, like I said, you don't want to get stuck in the moments of feeling alone and not catering to others, but you have to learn how to start catering to yourself. So that's what I had to learn. How to do is to cultivate Erica, rediscover Erica. Who is Erica outside of mom and wife. And that was the moment just coming home and actually just sitting in my living room and just saying, yeah, this is it. Am I going to let this be my end, all be all, or am I going to pick myself up and make this my new beginning? So that was my redefining moment is really coming home and having that pep talk to myself Like you've done your job, now it's time to get back to working on you.
Dr. Brooks :That is so true because sometimes, as women, we confuse our roles as who we are Like. We really think that our roles, that we play, is our identity, and Christ did not create us in our roles first. That's why it says he created male and then female, and then everything else is added to us, based on our journey in our life. So I'm so glad that you said that you had to identify who you were as a woman. So you often speak about helping women rediscover their identity in Christ. Was there a defining moment in your journey where that truth became real and personal for you?
Erica Tatum :Yes, ma'am, I don't know this empty nester season boy. I tell you it brings light. But no, during that time too, I think a lot of times as women. I can only speak for women because I'm a woman right, we navigate, we move off of based upon what people call us, what others expect us to do. You know what you have to do X, y and Z in order to be successful. You have to go to school. To be successful, you need this type of paying job to start over.
Erica Tatum :So many people, from parenting on up those you dated, your friendships. They also gave you these titles and these expectations to pretty much cultivate your identity as to what they assume you should be. But I had to dial back. I had to one forgive myself, because there were some things that I used to tell myself and call myself that wasn't true, that I used to tell myself and call myself that wasn't true.
Erica Tatum :And during that rediscovery moment, that's when I got closer to God, because God draws near to the brokenhearted right. Even in that moment, not saying losing our kids that way, but losing that part of us, that's a grief moment too. Grief is not just about death. It's about losing something that is in close proximity of you. So in that moment I had to dive back into God and get closer to him. And once I got in his word more and really truly understood how he created me and who he created me to be understanding who I was called to, be understanding what my gifts and my talents are, that is what I stood on.
Erica Tatum :And once I found that and put that in my heart and my soul, everything else didn't matter If it was outside the will of God. I did not take heed to it. So I would say to the women out there who need to rediscover themselves first you got to take it back to God. You have to have conversations, you have to have private moments with God for him to talk to you, for him to remind you what his word says. And I know for sure, once we get that in our heart and our soul, we are going to walk more boldly. We're going to walk with our heads up, our shoulders back, and be confident in what we say and what we do, because God said exactly what he said. I am.
Dr. Brooks :Yes, when you find out who you are in Christ and when you find out those gifts, those talents, those spaces that God wants you to flow in. Life is not easier because we're going to go through trials and tribulations, but you will be less confused. No one can tell you're supposed to be doing A, b or C, because you have already got the confirmation through God. This is what you're supposed to be doing. This is the space that you're supposed to be in. Because what I noticed sometimes when it comes to women is that we go with whatever the coach say, whatever the pastor say, like whatever the next best thing is, if we don't understand who we are and what it is that we're supposed to do.
Dr. Brooks :You can be great at a lot of things, but what are you after? Right, because we can be good at so many things. But just because you're good at something doesn't mean that's the thing that you're supposed to be doing. So I like the fact that you said you prayed, you got quiet and you listened and really sought God after the things that you were supposed to be doing. So that is awesome. So when it comes to, you know your babies are gone and now you're rediscovering who Erica is how are you able to come in agreement with that?
Erica Tatum :Oh, that's a heavy question. With that, that's a heavy question, I have to say. First off, my anchor is my faith and my prayer life. So to come in agreement with that, it takes prayer, and prayer builds your faith. God's word builds your faith from level to level right.
Erica Tatum :So, as I continue to pray, I journal a lot. Let me say that. Let me say that I journal, I write things down, write the vision, make it plain. And also, you have to be careful who you surround yourself with. In that season, as you're rediscovering yourself, you can't have the negative people around you that keeps yapping and remind you, trying to remind you of who you're not. You have to be around people who are going to pour into you, who are going to cultivate you, and that's what I did. I surrounded myself by people who was going to cultivate me in this season, who was going to speak the same language that God's word spoke.
Erica Tatum :If you weren't speaking the same language as what I know God's word says, then we have to reevaluate our connection. That's what I have to do, and it's also celebrating each step. I think we forget about each step that we take. We have to celebrate that. We have to celebrate the fact that, hey, I got up and told myself you know what You're gorgeous. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. That might be hard at first because we don't believe it yet, but the more you say it, the more you read it in God's word, you start believing it, and that helps build your faith. So that is actually what I did. I had to cultivate that by prayer. My faith was anchored in his word, and that's how I did it.
Dr. Brooks :Yes, celebrating at every step is so important, because what I recognize is that when we have these long-term goals, if we don't celebrate along the way, we'll forget the destination and then we'll lose hope. This is taking forever. Why does it take so long? It's like I'm not accomplishing anything, not recognizing that every time you touch that thing or every time you take a step forward, that's to be celebrated, right? Because there are so many people that don't go through with achieving their goals, and so I'm so glad that you said you have to celebrate yourself. That's so important. And another thing that you said that stood out to me was if the person comes in your life and they're not speaking the word of God, then you're not listening to it. It is so important to know the word of God for yourself, because if you don't know the word of God for yourself, people can manipulate scripture, people can take scripture out of context, and so that's why it's so important. I'm glad that you said study and pray, study and pray, because that is, oh my God, that is so important.
Dr. Brooks :So you recently worked on a project. Yes, I'm so excited about this project. So you recently worked on a project, and in your writing, you talk about creating safe spaces for healing and spiritual growth. What does that particularly look like in a day-to-day life and how can we begin to cultivate that kind of environment in our homes and our communities and our relationships and our workplaces? And how can we begin to cultivate that kind of environment in our homes and our communities and our relationships and our workplaces? Just how can we cultivate that?
Erica Tatum :Yep, great question. Safe space for me is less than the physical part, right, it's actually about the posture of your heart. So it's the heart posture, so it's actually showing up for people authentically. And it took me a long time to get to the authentic part because, again, I was trying to play the role other people wanted, versus what God's word said. Day to day, it's pretty much when you are in the position of with your family. If you're present with your family, are you fully present or are you like I'm here, y'all, but hold on, I gotta check this email. I gotta check this email.
Erica Tatum :So that's what a safe space is for me is the heart posture is being fully present. And a lot of times that safe space too is for just people just to come talk to you and you just have to listen, but you're listening and you're not judging. And I think that's where a lot of us lose the safe space. Part is because we're quick to respond and then also start judging, and that pretty much takes away the whole safe space. I don't feel comfortable coming to you because I know you're going to judge type of feeling. So it's all about the heart posture. It's all about less talking and more listening, but also being honest. You have to be honest. Sometimes people don't want to hear honesty, but sometimes they need it in order for them to feel that you know what. I feel that I can come to Erica and I can talk because one she's going to be honest, she's going to be herself authentic and she's going to listen. I'm going to listen before I respond.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. What advice can you give to the person that's listening and they're struggling with being their authentic selves?
Erica Tatum :Listen, you're looking at someone who used to struggle with that. So I would say to that individual is, when you have to find out, you have to peel back the layers. Peel back the layers. Like I said before. Number one forgive yourself. That means forgive everything that you told yourself that you couldn't do and that you was. And once you get in God's word and know what he said, that's how you can be your authentic self, that's how you can be your bold self, that's how you can come out and be more, you can be stronger, you can be more confident. That's why I say get into God's word and be still and be silent. Life will life, life will move. Life is a globe, is a circle, but you have to find your space to be still. And when you be still and you peel back those layers, that's how you can be your authentic self.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good, and so you, just recently, you wrote your book. That is so good, and so you, just recently, you wrote your book. Can you talk about what made you write the book and what made you decide how much yourself did you want to share in your book?
Erica Tatum :Yeah. So my book is entitled New Beginnings. This is a new beginning chapter of myself. So with that, the Lord has spoke to me and said you know what? You're not the only one. I need you to write, be honest and tell the truth.
Erica Tatum :So I wrote this book of telling a little bit about my story because oftentimes women feel that the other, the next woman next to them, is not going through what they're going through. They haven't been where they are at now because we put this facade on a strong mask. Now everything is fine, Everything is fine in life, but then we're never honest. So this book was actually built off of my season, my journey, what I had to do to become the butterfly, no point in it. The butterfly, understanding what those stages of the butterfly is and relating that to my life and my journey. Stages of the butterfly is and relating that to my life and my journey. I create this, building it off of biblical foundation, scriptures, giving people space to write their thoughts, because I love the journal, and also telling my story to let people know that they're not alone.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. So, when it comes to your book, where can they actually purchase your book from? And I'm going to put the title up there for them, but can you tell them where they can purchase your book from?
Erica Tatum :Yes, you can purchase the book off of Amazon at this moment. It's called New Beginnings Adjoining Towards Healing, Wholeness and Faith. There is a hardcover book and also there is a Kindle version of it as well, so that is available on Amazon for you to purchase.
Dr. Brooks :So make sure that, if you are listening, make sure that you guys go and check out her book, because one thing that I know as an author when you write a book, you have to put yourself in a vulnerable space, because at this point, you are not only showcasing your writing skills, but you're giving people insight into how you think about a particular topic, insight about how you conquered or went through things, and so being an author is something that is beautiful, but at the same time, they're going to get to see this side of me, and so you definitely have to be transparent and authentic when you become an author.
Dr. Brooks :So again, congratulations to you on writing your book and publishing your book. That is a huge milestone. So, when it comes to as this podcast is all about balancing business, faith and family, so when it comes to balancing faith, family and business, that can be challenging. I've been doing this for quite a while. So, when it comes to that, how do you navigate this in your own life and what strategies or practices have been instrumental for you maintaining that balance?
Erica Tatum :Yes. So balance, we know that's not easy, if I'll be honest, right. So balance isn't about keeping. I use the analogies of plates, right, you juggle different plates and how you spin them. It doesn't have to be done perfectly. My focus is actually just focusing on which plate I need to handle in that moment.
Erica Tatum :And going back to my faith is my foundation. I start with morning prayer. I ask God what it is that he needs me to do for his people and in the kingdom, before I touch anything else, and that centers me. I think a lot of times we miss that morning. When we get up, we want to go to phone, social media, but we have to get centered and that's with speaking with God himself and with my family. When you I'm going to go back when you go to the space and the place, we have to understand yes, we have so many titles we're a mom, we're a daughter, we're a sister, we're an auntie but which plate needs the most attention that day?
Erica Tatum :And knowing that it's okay, we have to give ourselves grace and I think, as mothers and wives, we forget about the part about giving ourselves grace. We're not going to be perfect and I had to learn that perfection was not. It's okay not to be perfect in everything, but as long as I don't keep that plate that I need to touch on the ground too long, I go back and pick it up, I'm fine. So learning the balance of life is really being centered in God and speaking with him first. Also, blocking off time. My sacred time with God in the morning, in the evening, afternoon, is my time. I set boundaries for that and boundaries are non-negotiable. Rather it's with your spiritual life, Rather it's with your business. Non-negotiable moments with those boundaries, and there's no switching them based on how people need it. So setting boundaries and making sure that you keep those.
Dr. Brooks :Listen, I'm so glad you brought up the word boundaries, because I am seeing a lot of coaching coaching like reels and people are talking about you don't need boundaries, you just lack discipline. And they're trying to say that boundaries are in place for people that lack discipline. And that is so not true when it comes to boundaries, because boundaries are necessary, especially when you are trying to cultivate relationships, nurture relationships, and if you are constantly supposed to be doing your prayer or your Bible study and every time you hear that ding on your phone, you're answering it or you're distracted, you will not get to that place where you want to be with your relationship, whether it be your partner or anyone. And so I'm so glad that you talked about boundaries, because every time I see one of those videos, I'm like no, why are you so important? Yeah, boundaries are necessary. They do not mean that you lack discipline. It simply means that you have things in place and that you are taking that time out for yourself. You're telling people how to treat you.
Dr. Brooks :I used to love when my grandma used to say you teach people how to treat you. Yep, absolutely, and boundaries definitely teach people how to treat you. So if you are a person that constantly find yourself overexerting yourself, you don't have boundaries. If you are a person that you constantly find yourself your calendar is busy but all of that stuff is for other people, you're lacking boundaries. You have to take time for yourself and you have to take time for yourself. So I'm so glad that you brought that up. And so, when it comes to your day-to-day, when it comes to how, like the things that you do day-to-day you mentioned that you're going to pray, you're going to study what else can people do? Because that's that spiritual part. But what can people do if they find themselves transitioning into another part of their life? What are some of those physical things that they can do to make sure that they stay encouraged, that they can do to make sure that they stay encouraged to make sure that they love on themselves.
Erica Tatum :Yes, so one of the things I can say is go back to what you used to love before you became a mom, before you became a wife. What did you enjoy doing? Were you someone who enjoyed walking? Are you someone who loved to sit by the water? Find those things that you enjoyed doing and revisit those hobbies, even create new ones.
Erica Tatum :I'm still working on finding my, creating my new hobbies, but find what works for you and that is your sacred moment for you, and that what that does when you go on your walk is giving you time to think, is giving you time to pray, is giving you time to let loose of everything else and you are focused on you, your health, your spirit, your spiritual, your body movement. You're getting all of that in that moment. So find something for you. If you have to take the long way home from work one time, that's okay. If it takes you 15 minutes, you need to add another 15 minutes on there, that's fine. Put on your favorite music and just have that moment for yourself.
Erica Tatum :Me personally, when I, when my kids were home, I used to come home, pull up in the driveway and just sit in my car for five, 10 minutes because I had to process and reset my mind from work. Ok, I have to go in and be mom, but I need a few moments to myself and that is okay. I think we forget that it's not being selfish. You have to make sure that yourself is full before you can pour into anyone else family or friends you have to make sure that you are full, 100%.
Dr. Brooks :Thank you for saying that it's not selfish, because I know through conversations with other moms they feel so bad if they go in the bathroom and shut the door. They feel so bad if they go to a restaurant and sit in the car and eat without sharing it with their kids, like they feel so terrible if they have a shower by themselves. And so I've been so glad that you just freed somebody when you said it's not selfish. You literally freed someone when you said it's not selfish. You literally freed someone Because unfortunately for the moms, we forget that we were a woman first, like we forget that we had a life before our children. And so I'm so glad that you said that it is not selfish, because I recently, like when my daughter went to college this is her second year, so today she just started her sophomore year it was a couple of years that I stopped running.
Dr. Brooks :I love running and I just recently got back into running. I would run four to five, I would go to the gym at 430 in the morning and then I would run three or four miles a day, and I stopped for about two years and it was almost probably about a couple of months ago. I was like you know what I am getting back into, what I love, because what I noticed was I was beginning to resent those that I was caring for, because I felt like they were doing all the things that they like, they were enjoying all the things that they love, and I wasn't. And I had to go back and say what is it that brought me joy? And it was running.
Dr. Brooks :When I run, that's when I'm so close to God, like I'm literally just praying and running and just watching nature, like when was the last time you actually saw a butterfly laying on a flower? When is the last time you saw the tree blow the, the wind blow the trees? And those are the things that I enjoy when I run outdoors, because I don't do treadmills, I do outdoor running. And I was just able to get back to that and I find myself so much happier and with so much joy because I carved out that time for myself. So it is so important, ladies.
Dr. Brooks :And if you're listening to carve out time for yourself. That's important, so I'm glad you said it. It is.
Erica Tatum :And you just mentioned something too.
Dr. Brooks :I am so glad that you shared that.
Erica Tatum :Absolutely. And you mentioned something, too, that you felt you was resenting. You felt resentful to people you were caring for. I think we don't pay attention to those moments, right, we just think, oh, they just get on my nerves this day. No, if it's consistently, you need to find space for you. That means you're empty. At that point, go back and find what brings you joy, what makes you happy, so you can be filled up.
Dr. Brooks :Yes, I was showing, I was noticing my heart was changing and I wasn't embarrassed to admit it. I would tell people I am miserable, yes, I am miserable. I would tell people I am miserable, yes, I am miserable, and I would see the judgment. I did not care.
Erica Tatum :Because I have to be honest with you.
Dr. Brooks :People would tell me oh, it's such an honor to be able to care for your parent. An honor for who exactly? Who is it exactly an honor for? Because I just feel like my life has stopped and everybody is going ahead without me and I would notice that when I was honest about it, people would have that judgmental view. And one thing about me I'm confident enough to not care. So that's why I'm so glad you also mentioned safe spaces, because I should be able to trust you enough. If you are in my circle, I should be able to trust you enough to be vulnerable with you, trust you enough to speak my heart, because I might as well say it, because I'm thinking it and I'm feeling it.
Dr. Brooks :So I might as well just have a conversation about it, and so I'm so glad that you talked about safe spaces, because I didn't have that with everyone and best believe I readjusted those relationships.
Erica Tatum :That part and it's okay to readjust your relationship, your circle of friends you have now. They're not going to be with you in every season of your life, because what we grow just like trees when they grow leaves fall off. New ones come on. It is okay. So you have to get out that mindset of, oh, I tell my friend I'm going through this, or people around me that I'm honest, they're gonna, they're not gonna, be my friend. No, bingo, they weren't your friend for real, if you can't be honest with them and I think because we are, it's just culture and how we were brought up that we have to be strong.
Erica Tatum :You can't tell everybody how you feel, and that is something that I had to carry with me for years. But I said hold up. This is not healthy for me not to tell you. You know what I'm not feeling today. I'm at my capacity. This is how I'm feeling. It's okay to be honest about how you feel because if you hold it in, you're going to eat your insides up and you're not going to be fully who you need to be.
Dr. Brooks :You have to find that safe space. That is so true. And so what can you say to people that are listening that may say I don't really want to start new relationships? Or I don't really, I just want to try to mend these relationships because there are so many people at a certain age they just feel like they don't want to make new friends. So what kind of advice can you give to people that are not open to new relationships? Yep.
Erica Tatum :So new is good, new is necessary. Just look at it like an old pair of shoes. If you wear a size 11, you're not going to try to put on a size eight. You need a new pair of shoes. So it's okay to try new things out. That means for me.
Erica Tatum :What I hear is people like to be isolated. They don't like to get out, they just want to. Just, I'm just comfortable. You can't be comfortable in your growth, in your personal growth. Being comfortable means you are just content where you're at. It is what it is, and a lot of people are scared to stretch themselves.
Erica Tatum :To make new people, new friends, you have to stretch yourself how you have to talk to people, have to stretch yourself how you got to talk to people. You have to go new places. So be okay with stretching yourself. Part of being stretched, which is like when you work out, just like when you was running you went back, you had to stretch them legs before you just jumped back into it. It's okay Now look at you, you're taking off, but you have to be comfortable with stretching yourself and that's a part of growth.
Erica Tatum :So what I can say is feel each feel of your growth journey and be okay to meet people who's new. Be okay if the relationship is not how it is. To say, okay, we need to take this a different route or you're not a part of my season anymore. Be okay with that. But to get to that point, you have to be okay with yourself. You have to understand who you are. That's what I can say. Do be okay with the stretching of your growth, because it's not easy, I'll be honest. It's not easy. But give yourself grace. Celebrate each stretch, each walk, each step. Celebrate that and once you become confident of who you are, you'll be confident to say to that person you know what? It was good, but now we're going different directions at this point.
Dr. Brooks :Yes, that is so true. And then I also want to say this I want to add to that Every time a relationship ends doesn't mean that it ends in conflict. It doesn't mean that it ends with hard feelings or ill will. Sometimes it's just that we outgrow each other and we go our separate ways, and so I just don't. I think that's why sometimes people stay in relationships that are no longer beneficial to them, because they don't want to have the other person feel like they're mad at them or they don't want to think it's going to be conflict.
Dr. Brooks :But if you are mature and the other person is mature, you can literally end a relationship and there'll be no animosity, there'll be no ill will and you guys are just agreeing to go your separate ways and you can still hi how you doing or check in on each other, but it's not close like it once was. So I just wanted to put that out there, because sometimes, especially as Christians, we have sometimes feel like we can't end relationships because that's not the godly thing to do. So you can love someone and not be in relationship with them. To me it's a love right. Yes.
Erica Tatum :Yes, and one of the questions I had to ask myself, looking at friendship relationships, how is this developing me? Oh, that's good. How is this developing me? Oh, that's good. How is this relationship cultivating me, developing me? Are you the one doing all the pouring or is it reciprocal? That's a very hefty question I had to ask to reevaluate my friendships and a lot of people I used to talk to. It's just more like the casual how you doing, send a text every now and then, but it's not as close as it used to be because the cultivation was no longer there. It was no development. I didn't feel it.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. I think we should periodically do that with relationships. You want to make sure it's not one-sided. Are you always the one calling? Are you always the one planning? Are you always the one reaching out? So if you stop doing that, where would that relationship go reaching out? So if you stop doing that, where would that relationship go? And so, yeah, it's definitely good to evaluate periodically your relationships, and so you have said so many good things during this conversation, so what is something that you would leave the audience with when it comes to just identifying who they are and to nurture that?
Erica Tatum :Great question. The one thing I will leave with the audience is know if you get up every single day with breath in your lungs, that means you still have a purpose on earth. One thing I've started to tell myself and say is that you were made on purpose for a purpose. Find out what that purpose is, identify that, cultivate it, nurture it and be confident in it, because you were made for a purpose on purpose.
Dr. Brooks :Yeah, that is so true, and it doesn't matter how old you are. It is never too late to find out what your purpose is. It is never too late to walk this thing out with Christ. And so again, erica, thank you so much for joining us. When I release this episode, I will make sure that I have all of your contact information and I will make sure I have the link for people to be able to buy your book. And then you also have a journal. Can you tell them about that before we leave?
Erica Tatum :Yes, the journal is also available on Amazon and it is an empty nester journal with a lot of journal props in it, just to ask heavy questions when we're in the empty nesting stage. So that is also available on Amazon. Is finding yourself after they fly? Is the title for those who are empty nesting now or who are about to get into that empty nesting season those who are empty nesting now or who are about to get into that empty nesting season.
Dr. Brooks :Listen, I'm so glad that you focused on empty nesting because I'm telling you that when my daughter went to college, that was almost like when I turned 40, I was like, wait a minute, like I'm no longer 30. Now I'm in my forties. Things are changing, things are different. No one prepared me for my forts. That's a whole different episode. I'm so glad that you walk people through becoming an empty nester because, statistically, a lot of people divorce. When their children go on, they are no longer in relationship, they've outgrown each other. They really don't know each other, and so I'm so glad that you talk about being an empty nester, because there are not a lot of people that talk about this topic and then when people that part, it's like a brick wall. Oh my God, what do I do now?
Erica Tatum :Yes, I had to call my mom. I said, mama is no way. You just went through this season Like it was a breeze. Oh, I was fine. No way, no. But it's like we weren't told honestly what Empty Nests was going to be about. Some people say, oh, you're going to party, but no one told us about the emotional side.
Dr. Brooks :Yeah, it's definitely an emotional side. So make sure you follow her and make sure that you guys support her by purchasing her book and purchasing her journal. Her journal is really good and so, again, I'm going to have all that information for you. So, thank you, erica, so much for tuning in with us today. We have enjoyed you so much and it has been a pleasure. So anytime you want to come back, just let me know, and you are more than welcome to come on the show.
Erica Tatum :Yes, thank you so much for having me.
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