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Off-Balance Podcast
Welcome to Off-Balance, the podcast for Christian entrepreneurs who are building businesses, raising families, and growing in faith.
If you're navigating the beautiful chaos of entrepreneurship and parenthood while staying rooted in your walk with God, you're in the right place.
Each week, we dive into honest conversations, spiritual encouragement, and practical strategies that speak to the heart of your daily life. Whether it’s making time for prayer between client calls, finding peace in family rhythms, or stepping into your purpose as a faith-filled business owner, you’ll find inspiration and tools that truly fit your world.
Tune in for stories from people who understand the tension and the grace of doing life God’s way in a busy season. Subscribe now, and let’s walk this journey together one imperfect, powerful, and faith-driven step at a time.
Off-Balance Podcast
When You Stand in Your Own Way: Understanding Mental Health and Self-Defeating Behaviors with Charlotte Jones
What invisible force keeps stopping you from reaching your goals and living your best life? The answer might surprise you.
In this eye-opening episode of Off Balance, Dr. Brooks Deming welcomes mental health expert Charlotte Jones to unpack the complex relationship between mental health and self-sabotage. With over 22 years of experience as a clinical therapist, Charlotte reveals how seemingly disconnected behaviors like procrastination, perfectionism, and people-pleasing all stem from the same root: self-sabotage.
Charlotte takes us on a profound journey through the psychology behind why we become our own worst enemies. She explains how childhood experiences shape our adult behaviors, creating unconscious patterns that keep us stuck in cycles of negative self-talk and fear-based decisions. "It all stems from childhood," Charlotte explains, highlighting how unmet emotional needs create voids we try to fill throughout our lives.
The conversation delves into practical techniques for breaking free from self-sabotaging patterns. From Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to mindfulness practices, Charlotte offers accessible strategies anyone can implement. Most powerfully, she emphasizes the importance of self-compassion: "You don't belong on a sales rack. Pay full price for me."
Beyond psychological insights, Charlotte and Dr. Brooks discuss the physical manifestations of mental health challenges—how headaches, fatigue, and other bodily symptoms often signal unprocessed emotional issues. Their discussion dismantles the stigma around therapy, reframing it as simply "an educated conversation" that can benefit everyone, not just those with diagnosed conditions.
Whether you're struggling with relationship patterns, career decisions, or simply feeling stuck, this conversation offers transformative insights to help you recognize when you're standing in your own way—and how to step aside to let yourself shine.
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Welcome to the Off Balance Podcast, where faith, family and business collide, with your host, dr Brooks Deming, christian life coach, intercessor and entrepreneur.
Dr. Brooks :Hi there, I'm Dr Brooks. Today we're diving into an important and often overlooked topic mental health and self-sabotage. So many of us have goals, dreams and aspirations, yet sometimes we find ourselves standing in our own way. Whether it's due to procrastination, negative self-talk or fear of failure, self-sabotage can keep us stuck and hinder our progress in life. But what do we do about it? What's the connection between our mental health and these self-defeating behaviors and, more importantly, how can we break the cycle?
Dr. Brooks :To help us unpack this topic, my guest today is Charlotte Jones. Charlotte is a dedicated and accomplished mental health professional with over 22 years of experience in the field. Charlotte is the executive director and lead clinical therapist at Cultivating Minds Counseling Group. Charlotte has a passion for helping others thrive, and she will shed light on the root causes of self-sabotage, how it impacts our mental health, and share practical tools to help us overcome it. So go ahead, grab your notebook, settle in and let's explore how to move past self-sabotage and into the life we were meant to live. So please help me. Welcome, ms Charlotte Jones. Thank you.
Dr. Brooks :Hi Charlotte. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am so excited to have you. How are you doing today?
Charlotte :I am excited to be here and I'm blessed, I won't complain.
Dr. Brooks :Okay, so could you just let people know a little bit about yourself and what it is that you actually do?
Charlotte :Okay, my name is Charlotte Jones. Of course, I am a clinical therapist. I've been in the mental health field for over 22 years. First started off with kids adolescence and worked my way all the way up my what can I say about that? My weak area is working with kids. So I had to get away from there Because I was bringing that work home with me and that is not a good thing. So I do work with adults now. I did work in geriatrics before, but you know how you feel like they're elderly and you got to. I could not. That was another one. I felt so bad. So I do enjoy working with adults. I work in one of the largest psych hospitals in the state of Alabama since the downsizing of Bryce. So yeah, that's about it for us, with me.
Dr. Brooks :Listen, you do a lot in the community, so again, welcome. I'm so excited about this topic because I think a lot of the times when we find ourselves stuck or when we find ourselves constantly beating ourselves up, we have no idea that that is attached to our mental health and how we see ourselves, and so I think that this conversation is going to be really important. So, as we dive in, can you just tell us what are some common mental health challenges that can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors?
Charlotte :Oh, some common challenges be like in relationships. If you got some failing relationships, just look back. Even with friendships, how many friends have you went through and how long did you keep these friends Work, even working how many jobs have you went through? Fear of success most of the time is a problem. Perfectionism, procrastination those are some things that we don't even realize. That plays a part in self-sabotage.
Dr. Brooks :Listen, I am so glad you brought up relationships because I don't think we even consider relationships when it comes to self-sabotaging. But it can interfere in our relationship, especially if we don't trust people or maybe in the past people have done things to us, or even if we don't know how to be in a relationship. Unfortunately for a lot of adults, they lack communication skills. So a lot of the times when we're in these relationships and then if we're unconsciously telling ourselves that it's not going to work or I can't trust them, then I can definitely see how self-sabotaging can play a role.
Dr. Brooks :So thankful that you said relationships, because I personally wouldn't have thought about those external relationships. I most of the time think about it when you're talking about yourself and you're dealing with procrastination, or if you have that negative self-talk or even if you have a fear of failure or success, but I didn't really look at it in the workplace or in those personal relationships. So yeah, that can be damning. So thank you for bringing that up. We're talking about mental health and self-sabotage. How can someone recognize when their actions are driven by self-sabotage rather than external circumstances?
Charlotte :Okay when you are constantly having that negative self-talk to yourself you're not worth it. That negative self-talk, negative thoughts, procrastination. If you've got a project or something to do at work and you've got a deadline and you just you go procrastinate and prolong it out because unconsciously you got that fear of failure, then you'll be in that cycle. Once you see that you cannot complete that project. Or if you don't complete that project because this is in your mind, if you don't complete that project, you're going to feel like, see, I am worthless, I am a failure, I can't even fulfill my duties on my job. And then that's going to lead to other things, especially if you already have a history of a substance abuse.
Charlotte :I might as well go drink this, I might as well go ahead and smoke this, shoot this up, because I'm already a failure. So many people have called me a failure, so that's what I am. And then that, for a short period of time, when that high comes down, that's gonna be the shame, the guilt. Then, guess what? We got the cycle all over again. Oh, wow, so wow that is very interesting.
Dr. Brooks :What makes you think that we automatically go to a negative self-talk?
Charlotte :It stems from. I like to go back through childhood whenever I do a session and most of the time, 99.9% of the time, it is stemming from childhood, whether it's a parent that maybe has some substance problems, alcohol included and maybe left the child where older sibling had to care for the child, had to care for that child, and then, on top of that cooking, they had to cook, and it's still a child in the house. So that nurturing is not there. That nurturing, that love, that affection See, that's what a lot of people don't realize how mental health works. You are in your mother's womb for nine months or ten, however you want to put it, but you're there, so that forms an attachment. Then when she has a child, she has a child and then she's still going out, doing whatever she wants to do, not nurturing that child, not giving that child that love, that affection, that touch that is very important too. Not giving each other that love, that affectionate touch that is very important too. So when that does not happen and you got the big sister or the big brother over here cooking, getting you off to school, trying to get your clothes ready for school, no adult supervision, that's going to cause havoc in that person's life.
Charlotte :Because then that's when we're stuck in a relationship, through many relationships, looking for love in all the wrong places Because there's a void there that needs to be filled. Unconsciously you're trying to fill that void. But that's that little girl, that inner child, seeking and need that validation. And they do anything to get it, unconsciously, not just go out. I'm looking for validation. No, do anything to get it. Unconsciously, not just go out. I'm looking for validation. No, but just through that relationship. But it all stemmed from back, as a child coming up. We didn't have that.
Charlotte :And then that's when people become that, yes, person, people please, things like that. But you know why? The thing is they do that to keep people around because my mother wasn't around, my father wasn't around. They're not just thinking, it's just in the conscious mind and unconsciously they would do that. People pleasing, the plate could be full. They would still take on those tasks trying to help this person, do this with that person whatever. Nor they could be down tired from work. But hey, somebody kind of say would you keep the children? Yes, I will. You already about to fall over asleep, but just to keep that person around, just to keep a friend you will say yes to everything, just a people pleaser. Now you see how all of that intertwines.
Dr. Brooks :Wow. And people pleasing is not good, because sometimes too, people please so that they don't have to face their own situations, their own growth, their own development. So sometimes people keep themselves busy with other people's business so that they don't have to face reality.
Charlotte :That is exactly right and exactly true. Yeah, I'd rather divert my attention over here to you and see to your needs, but deep down inside I know I got some needs that need to be filled as well, but I don't want to focus on that because it's hard for me to focus on that. See, it goes back to that child hurt, pain, sad, ashamed and that's why we got to be familiar with our emotions as well. So it goes back to that. And guess what? I don't want to even go back through that, so I just focus on you and do whatever you do. That is so good.
Dr. Brooks :So when you work with a client, what techniques would you use? Because sometimes, if we experience something in childhood, we suppress it to the point to where it's no longer a reality for us, and so it's hard sometimes to face that. So what techniques would you even use in a therapy session to help someone realize that their childhood is playing a role in how they behave today?
Charlotte :Well, that is a good question. So the technique I would use is cognitive, and it's my theoretical orientation as well. It's cognitive behavior therapy. Some people know it as CBT, but it's the cognitive behavior therapy and it's restructuring your thought patterns, restructuring your. What are you telling yourself? Now let's replace it with this. But once again, when you start CBT, we need to go all the way back to childhood at that time and then bring you up to the age you are today. So I want to hear from the child, not the adult sitting in front of me. I want to hear from that child because that's who's hurting, that's who's hurting, that's who's sabotaging. But the adult don't want to face the pain over again. So they just stuff all those emotions inside and that's how the cycle once again continues to repeat itself.
Dr. Brooks :Yeah, that's not good, and there are so many people that have. They have a thought of therapy as if therapy is weak, or if I go to therapy I'm weak, or if I go to therapy then that means that I can no longer, maybe, think for myself. So what do you say for people that have this negative connotation around therapy?
Charlotte :Oh, that is just one of my things on my platform to break that negative stigma towards mental health. What I would say is that's okay, because I grew up the same way. My parents said, oh they just crazy talking to themselves, but in reality it's education. Wasn't nobody educated on that? And that's what I like to bring to the table is to educate the community. What is it? No, they're not just crazy. I hate when someone say that's crazy because nine times out of 10, they can't even tell you the definition of crazy.
Charlotte :So it is not that, but it was the way we was brought up and those are core beliefs. Same thing. They deal with the self-sabotage. Different core beliefs Believe it, I'm not worth it, and it goes on and on. But that's what I would tell people.
Charlotte :It's just like having a conversation, just like you and I, we're having a conversation. It's top therapy. It's not lay down on the couch, it's not none of that. It's not lay down on the couch. It's not none of that. It's not nothing to put tranquilizers all over your head. It's conversation, but it's an educated conversation or well-needed conversation, where we're going to look and get to the root of the problem.
Charlotte :But let's get to this childhood. That needs to be handled. You know, let's discuss and process, and that's what it is and it manifests. If you don's discuss and process, and that's what it is and it manifests, if you don't discuss and process these traumas, it will manifest in different things. When people talk about headaches, backaches, shoulder hurt, think about it. Where do you hold your stress? Those are things. That's how it manifests, and people don't realize how mental health plays a big part in your everyday life, in your everyday life, and I want to say this too. Another one that is good, a technique, a skill to use, is DBT. Have you heard of that? Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and that practices a lot of mindfulness, self-soothing, self-soothing, giving yourself grace because these things wasn't your fault, but so many chaotic things has happened to you and you feel not worthy. Your confidence is low, self-esteem is low because of what has happened in the past, and that, too, continues that negative cycle of self-sabotage.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good, and you mentioned self-soothing. I think a lot of the times people want to take substance different drugs, alcohol, even sex to soothe, instead of facing the reality of something is wrong. Something is preventing me from betting on myself, something is preventing me from making decisions, something is preventing me from moving decisions. Something is preventing me from moving forward. Why am I burned out all the time?
Dr. Brooks :And so sometimes, instead of addressing the root of the issue, a lot of people choose to self-soothe with things that make them feel good temporarily, but then what happens is, when it wears off, they're back into a vicious cycle. What happens is, when it wears off, they're back into a vicious cycle. It's almost like they're strong. They're getting stronger and stronger, with not moving forward and not being the person that they are created to be. I'm so glad that you brought up self-soothing, because I don't think a lot of people realize that they have taken things that are hurting them and that they are self-soothing with them. So that is really good. When people are afraid of commitment, people that don't want to commit or people that overcommit are people that can't focus on themselves. What are some advice that you can give to them?
Charlotte :What I would do with them. First of all, I'm gonna always go back because I like to go to childhood. That's just how I like to do it.
Charlotte :They say stop taking them to their childhood, I know it. But we're going to have to identify. See, you remember when we was in school how we could make the dots and get a picture. That's my therapy let's connect these dots so we can come up with this picture on what's going on. When a person better understands what has happened and how it's playing a part in their life, they more likely they can fix it. But see, if I'm just giving you coping skills, you don't even know how to identify that trigger. You know what triggers me to go into this self-sabotaging mode. So that's why I say I like to go back to childhood. I do, I like to go back to childhood.
Charlotte :Now, some of the things that can be done is like practicing self-compassion. Self-compassion even if it's just journaling, because that's a nurturing technique as well. And I like affirmation just affirmations are good reiterating, reaffirming who you are, who you are, what caliber of a person you are. You are not. You are not what was said to you as a child. You are not what was said to you, because those people have iffy relationships too, what prone to being a domestic, violent relationship. Because guess what I got to do, whatever I need to do to keep this person around. So just showing who you are, that you're worth more than that. You don't belong on a sales rack, pay full price for me. You got to know that self-worth.
Charlotte :So it will be skills like that to increase that self-worth self-esteem. It will be skills like that to increase that self-worth self-esteem. Affirmations are very good for that. Relaxation techniques I know a lot of people like to go to deep breathing, but I like to do the guided meditation. Just sit there and do a whole full body scan. So things like that will be very good. Even if it was going out and taking a 10 minute walk, that's fine. Just get out there, enjoy some sun, set that circadian rhythm back. Just give you that balance While we look for that pH balance that gives you that balance.
Dr. Brooks :That's so good. And now, in today's time, a lot of people have self-diagnosed themselves with things like OCD, or they'll say I'm ADHD or all of these things, or they'll say I'm a perfectionist, and a lot of people don't realize that you are actually setting unrealistic standards for yourself and you're avoiding action, and that also can be tied to fear or failure.
Dr. Brooks :So can you just talk about when people want to be perfect or if they feel like the moment has to be perfect in order for them to act, and I don't think they realize that is a self-sabotaging behavior.
Charlotte :Perfectionism is. It's exactly what you said. It's a self-sabotaging behavior, because a perfectionist is black or white, all or nothing thinking. Perfectionists it's black or white, all or nothing thinking. But then too, you can relate that back to was the children ever compared? Was one grade better than the other? And then, of course, they don't always want to do better, better and unconsciously, and that's just what they look after and fish after and go for.
Charlotte :Yes, perfectionism is, but what has to happen is you got to realize? That's where that restructuring, those thoughts, going to come from. Nobody is perfect, nobody is perfect, everything. And then if they think they can't do it perfect or get it perfect, guess what? They won't do it at all. They won't even carry out the routine, the project, do whatever they need to, they won't even do it at all, won't even take a stab at it. So that, right there, puts you right back. They're going right back to that. See, I can even do it. No, because you're thinking perfection, things are not perfect. And so, yes, that is a self-sabotaging, and to that we just have to restructure and change some thoughts.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. So, with the theories that you use in your practice, are people willing to do it or do you see a lot of resistance?
Charlotte :Oh, they are willing to do it. Okay, and a lot of them don't even know why they self-sabotage. But when we go back they be like, oh yeah, that makes sense and they more opt to have a successful counseling experience. And then too I'm just saying this a lot of times people don't know it's different therapists. Now, if you've got some self-sabotaging behaviors going on, you don't want a person-centered therapist to go to, Then you're going to say, oh, the therapy didn't work. Why did it not work? The therapist didn't say anything, they didn't give me no feedback. I said, okay, you probably went to a person-centered therapist. So it's best to know what type of therapist you are going to.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. I don't even think we consider the type of therapist.
Charlotte :Yes, always, we want to talk with them and they don't mind. I don't mind if someone called me and I've had a couple to call me they're going to give you a consultation. But you do want to talk to the therapist to make sure it's a good fit, a fit for you and a fit for the therapist, and right. Then they probably discuss their theoretical orientation and if they say person-centered, and you need some existential therapy, cognitive behavior, dialectical behavior, humanistic, different things like that, but if they are psychodynamic therapists, you're on the right track.
Dr. Brooks :If you're trying to restructure some thought processing, that is so good, because I don't think we consider the type of therapist. I know sometimes when people feel like that it's time for them to go seek professional help, I think that they're just anxious and they don't do the necessary research. And so I can see that if you connect with the wrong type of therapist not saying that person is not a good therapist but they're not good for you I can see how that can set someone back because now they feel I've tried and it didn't work out. So I'm glad that you brought that up, because I don't think I would have considered the type of therapist when all of you guys have specialties, because you have the cognitive behavior certification as well. Yes, yeah, that makes sense. Yes, I do. That makes so much sense. So when should someone consider seeking professional support to address self-sabotaging behaviors? That's tied to their mental health?
Charlotte :And another thing too, and I'm glad you asked that's a good question, but it's so much. It's so much. I know we can't cover everything but impulse behaviors. Those are another challenging sign or symptom to self-sabotage. So when you know you can't control yourself anymore from the self-sabotage and you continue that cycle when you know it's out of your control, when you know you can't regulate your emotions and for those that don't, hey, we got more, we got 123 emotions. But we're so familiar with mad, glad, sad, whatever, that's what we're familiar with. Look, check out that emotion wheel, look at all of those emotions. So when you feel or realize you can't identify with your emotions, you can't regulate your emotions, you're acting on the impulse, you're out of your control, you're repeating the same vicious cycle. That's when you need to see a therapist.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. You say impulsive behavior. What does that look like? Because I would think, if a person does that a lot, that becomes their norm, so they don't recognize that they're impulsive. So what would that look like?
Charlotte :They don't want to the end. Just say, for instance, if you got a project on your job, you already deal with self-sabotage. So you got a project on your job, you hastily make a decision without even thinking anything out, playing the picture all the way through. You make a decision that just disrupts the entire, the entire goal of the project Once again. Then you're going to come back, see, I can't do nothing. So that's what the impulse look like Just making decisions without even thinking things through. Or impulsive decision hey, I'm going to go over here and, like you said, promiscuous sex, things like that. Impulsive yeah, I'm just grab me a beer. Yeah, I'm going to just smoke this. I'm just things like that. You're not even thinking, you're not even thinking, you just made a decision without any thought to it without any thought to it.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good. And when it comes to mental health, how can someone identify if they're having like mental health issues? Because say, for instance, what if someone is just sad all the time, but they don't feel like they're depressed, but they notice that they are melancholy all the time? Is that something that they should seek help for? So what is like a measuring tool to let us know when we need to go and seek professional help?
Charlotte :Whenever different signs and symptoms or behaviors is interrupting your day. Okay, you cannot complete your day. You cannot even go to work. You cannot stay at home or clean up or whatever it is. If you go out to eat, going out to Walmart, that's a problem, things like things that's going to disrupt your day. Okay, and being sad? Yeah, that's fine being sad, but you still need to go and get some help for that.
Charlotte :Because why are you constantly sad? It's something that and, like you said earlier, it could be a suppressed thought, a repressed thought, repressed, suppressed memories that you're not aware of. See, that's how that unconscious mind, it runs constantly, even when we are asleep. It never stops. So, whatever you have been taking in, whether you've got to argue with a friend, parents, sibling, whatever scary movie people don't realize that scary movies, these things, plays a part, they play a big part into how you feel, because it's your thoughts, emotions, behavior. Everything starts with a thought and this is how we get into this emotion and then we have a behavior, whether the behavior is I'm not going to come out my room today, isolation. So now we're going to head down that road to depression, because now you don't want to come out the room, you shut the curtains, shut the blinds. Now you want to just be in authority and see once it starts spiraling out of control.
Dr. Brooks :It's out of control, it goes really fast that is so good, and you also mentioned earlier how self-sabotage and just different mental health things can play a physical role, because you talked about headaches and you talked about different things. How does fatigue come into play here? Because so many people are burned out, they're fatigued and they are not correlating that to mental health.
Charlotte :Yes, that fatigue, that fatigue is something I go through. It sometimes You're running, running, running, running, fatigue guys. We got to get a balance in life and practicing some stress management techniques on a daily basis. You know how the doctor used to say an apple a day will keep the doctor away. A coping skill a day will keep that stress, that fatigue away. So we have to practice that.
Charlotte :And I like to refer everything back to Michael Jordan, because everybody knows him and he was just my all-time favorite. I said Michael Jordan did not become Michael Jordan sitting on the sofa. He didn't wait on Scott to kick him and say come on, mike, we got a game. Then he'd jump up and go. This man practiced. So you have to practice these skills on a daily basis. So when game day come for you, or when depression show up for you, fatigueness show up for you, you're ready. And another thing that plays into our fatigueness is that what we're putting in our body, the eating Sugar, is not good and it causes depression. So you got to see what you feed in that temple as well, and that's going to play a big part into the fatigue.
Dr. Brooks :That is so good Listen.
Dr. Brooks :so I am so excited because I don't think we realize how diet, exercise, making sure we get good rest, making sure that we have peace in our homes, on our jobs and I don't think people realize that how that all plays a role in just being healthy and a healthy lifestyle. So what can you say to those people that are in a work environment that is not healthy for them? They're not happy there, but for some reason they're holding onto it and they don't want to let it go because they may feel like they wouldn't be able to survive somewhere else or they wouldn't be able to get another job. What would you say to those people that have talked themselves out of being happy in their place of employment?
Charlotte :And that's good that work-life balance. We all seeking that. And for a person that you don't like the job, write down the strength to the job. Write down the weaknesses and see where would you like to go. See that right there too, can end back up at self-sabotage. This is not good for you, but you're sticking to it because you procrastinate to go get another job because of fear of failure. You're fearing unconsciously that you may fail on this new job. So you get out of the comfort zone. You're in that thing where you're comfortable right there, even though you may be going through per H-E-W hockey stick on the job. But guess what? I know this. I done been through that before. Chaos before. I know this. I'm familiar with this, but you just don't know. Being over here would be better, but you don't want to take that chance. So you just got to write down your strengths and, once again, that right there needs to work with a therapist so you can see and reconstruct your thoughts. What's so rational and irrational. You know what's better for me.
Dr. Brooks :I'm so glad that you said that, because I remember, even when I was a child, when you talked about therapies and you talked about psychologists and things of that nature, it was typically for people that had a diagnosis of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, different mental health disorders, and so I think that's where the stigma came into play when it comes to therapy. But you mentioned that a therapist can even help someone talk through or get through transitioning into something new, and so I'm so glad that you mentioned that. Do you have any final thoughts that you want to leave with the audience today?
Charlotte :Even if you think you don't need a therapist, go talk to one anyway. You may find out something. Talk to one anyway. I'm on my way. I'm on my way to finding me one. I'm not going to tell them I'm a therapist. I'm just going to go because I want to be well-rounded, whether it's spiritually, mentally, work-life balance. I want it all because I know I deserve it all. You just got to have that mindset and I just want to make sure what is something in there clogging me or clogging me up? I just want to make sure I'm releasing everything. I listen to a lot of stories every day. I have a lot in me. I will take to my grave a lot of stories. However, them things got to be released, not that I'm going to get in there and tell you a story, but decompress me with some stress. So myself, I feel like, okay, I'm going to go to a therapist because I don't want to just be all stressed out or burnout, because I do love what I do.
Dr. Brooks :Yeah, that definitely makes sense. I'm constantly always praying for therapists and counselors, because that's a lot to take in and you have to have that balance to not carry those burdens, because I can imagine some of the stuff can be a lot, and so I'm glad that you said that. And so if someone wanted to work with you or if someone wanted to follow you on social media or get in touch with you, how would they reach out to you media?
Charlotte :or get in touch with you. How would they reach out to you? They can reach out First. You can put me in Google, I will pop up. My website is wwwcultivatedmindscounselingcom. I'm on all the social medias as Cultivated Minds Counseling or Cultivated Minds Counseling Group. If it don't come up with counseling, it'll be group. But I try to keep everything the same throughout, so not every last one of the social medias. I know y'all like YouTube, facebook, those social medias I know it's a lot out there, but those ones there Instagram.
Dr. Brooks :So, listen, y'all, make sure that y'all get in contact with Ms Charlotte. She is an amazing clinical therapist and if you are looking for someone that is going to collaborate with you to help you get through the self-sabotaging, to help you get through any other mental health issues that you may be facing, make sure that you connect with her. If you are not in her city, she can definitely do some virtual sessions with you. And so, again, charlotte, thank you so much for joining me. I just wanted to have this conversation because I don't think a lot of people realize that we self-sabotage ourselves, even with those things that we try to talk ourselves out of it. I want to go for the promotion, but I don't want them to overwork me Okay, but you're already overworked. I want to go for the promotion, but I don't want them to take advantage of me. They're already taking advantage of you, and so when you say things like that, essentially what you're saying is I don't think I'm good enough for this promotion, I don't think that I'm good enough to handle the responsibility with the title and the pay, but you're already minus the title and minus the pay. So it is so important that we are cognizant of the things that we say and the things that we do, the actions that we take to talk ourselves out of just moving up in life, moving up in our profession, in our personal life, whatever the situation is. So I hope that everyone that is listening to this conversation, I hope that you guys wrote some things down. I hope that you've got some key takeaways.
Dr. Brooks :Again, some of the behaviors with self-sabotage is going to be procrastination. It's going to be delaying those important tasks or making decisions. We talked about negative self-talk, doubting your abilities, undermining your confidence, that inner dialogue that is keeping you from being the best version of yourself. We talked about fear of failure or success. Sometimes you may not want to succeed. You could be the first in your family to do it. You could have a lot of people depending on you, and so sometimes you'll be complacent in where you are simply because you don't want to let anyone down. That is a sign of self-sabotage.
Dr. Brooks :We also talked about over-commitment. You have a lot on your plate. You're trying to do everything else for everyone else so that you won't have to face the music when it comes to your own life. That can be a self-sabotaging behavior. We also talked about that perfectionism. You wanted everything to be perfect, and sometimes, when you strive for perfection, you won't even take the first step into moving towards your goals, your aspirations, and so if you are experiencing any of that, if you are sad, fatigued, whatever it is, if you feel that your body is so heavy, it is probably time for you to go and seek professional help. Deanne, thank you guys so much for watching this episode. Thank you, charlotte, so much. You have been a pleasure. Thank you.
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